Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Working with the general public is sure to come with its fair share of wacky customer stories. Celebrity sightings in tiny P-Town, shady returns, strangers talking politics with you over the phone while you order their Crocs, and folks who feel the need to discuss their foot issues (the majority of which would make me dry heave to even write). The following tale could potentially be quite embarrassing for me to share, but I consider myself a somewhat confident person and am willing to sacrifice my pride at the expense of a funny story.

Situation: Tuesday night around 8. I am on the phone helping a customer find a particular pair of shoes as a coworker brings over her custy to ring up a few pairs of shoes. As I hang up the phone, the following conversation takes place:
Custy: You handled that really well.
Moi: Oh, thanks.
brief pause
Custy (with a grin): You're pregnant.
Moi (unamused): Nope.
Custy: Well then you must be working on losing weight?
Moi: Well, I certainly am now....
Custy: Did you read the article in Prevention magazine recently about the foods that cut down on belly fat?
Moi: You know, I didn't.
Custy: Well my friend blahblahblah....(at this point I was completely tuned out, just wishing she would stop talking and leave.)
another pause
Custy: I'm sorry about saying that pregnant thing.
Moi: Really. It's fine. (note:it's not fine. I just want her to LEAVE)
Custy: You just seemed so happy and friendly, I figured it must be a pregnant glow.
End Scene.
And now, my ranting response, which my sense of superior customer service prevented me from diving into at the time.
1. Never EVER assume someone is pregnant. I don't care if their feet are in the stirrups and you can see the child crowning, it's still a tricky subject. When in doubt, don't ask. Even if you're sure, don't ask.
2. How does one go from assuming pregnancy (gaining weight) to weight loss? It should also be said that I have never before seen this woman, so it's not like I looked different since she last saw me.
3. Prevention magazine? Do I look like an AARP member???
4. Belly Fat?!?!? That is like the ugliest phrase ever. Even if there is an appropriate situation in which to discuss such a topic, use something else. "Trimming waistline," "losing inches".....anything really, just not b.f.!
5. Pregnant glow. So not only am I a Fatty McFat, but I am a sweaty greaseball??

I'm done ranting for now. Hope you all find humor in my humiliation! Oh, and PS: I'm never wearing that outfit ever again.