Yikes!

10 days without blogging, I am a slacker! Two posts to make up for it:

I <3 IMing

At work we recently began implementing iChat use to improve communication. I find this silly because I haven't logged on to an instant messenger since the AIM days of my freshman year. The good news is that I have a whole new forum to be funny on.

The content of the screenshot below is not what's important. I am using this picture to illustrate a little thing I like to call the IM filibuster.fil-i-bus-ter [fil-uh-buhs-ter] noun

1.

U.S. Politics. a. the use of irregular or obstructive tactics by a member of a legislative assembly to prevent the adoption of a measure generally favored or to force a decision against the will of the majority. b. an exceptionally long speech, as one lasting for a day or days, or a series of such speeches to accomplish this purpose.

Call me mature, but when someone says they will be right back (brb for all you generation y kids) I feel it absolutely necessary to leave as many comments as possible. This particular rant I went off on with Aaron/Lindsay was particularly good, click on the pic for a bigger view to read my LFOish stream of consciousness.

Also, you might notice that the conversation is being held by Flavor Flav and Gene Simmons. Part of my newfound funniness, in addition to excessive smiley usage, includes instigating a company-wide informal buddy icon contest. So far we've had Winston Churchill, a Jolly Rodger flag, Walker Texas Ranger, Alf, Richard Simmons, and a llama. Love my job.

Twenty Faux

Steven is celebrating his birthday today, although the is a little sketchy about disclosing exactly how many candles should be on his cake. But if you go to his blog here then you can see a copy of his drivers license which, along with some simple math, reveals the truth. Plus, I've never seen funnier license photos.

...and you thought I was kidding...

It's everybody's favorite new blog feature: the weekly American Gladiators synopsis. This week the two men were cops from Chicago and the two women were cops from Denver. And now for the breakdown of this week's superlatives:

Best New Addition: Skytrack
Best new event thus far. "Two contenders race side-by-side around a figure-eight track, suspended from the ceiling on their backs. Chasing them are two Gladiators, whose goal is to pull a rip cord dangling from the contender, sending them falling from the sky."

Lamest New Addition: Zen
Most of the gladiator names conjure up fear in the hearts of competitors-- Justice, Mayhem, Venom, Crush. The name Zen just doesn't evoke a lot of terror. Plus, what can this little pipsqueek do besides scamper up the wall?

Most Embarrassing Moment: Male Eliminator Chi-town's finest took almost 10 minutes to complete the final obstacle course known as the eliminator...and that was after they slowed down the Travelator. Just to compare, the women (who kinda sucked too) did it in a third of the time. How embarrassing. If you're in to mood to break the law, I suggest doing so in the windy city-- no way those cops are going to catch up with you.

OH.....and Wolf (who goes by the name Hollywood outside of the Gladiator Arena) has fangs now. Bitchin.

Now you know my ABCs

Gracias to Jodee for giving me another reason to blog. I'm always willing to write about myself!

A- ATTACHED OR SINGLE: Single. Much to my father's chagrin.
B- BEST FRIEND: Well it used to be Diet Coke, but now I'm just left with my Mom, Mandi, Natalie, Aaron and Lindsay (together, not separately), Steven, and TiVo (just like Miranda).
C- CAKE OR PIE: Never met a dessert I didn't like. But I have to agree with Jodee on cupcakes. Generally, any food that is presented in smaller form is not only cuter, but also more delicious (which Elise used to point out all the time).
D- DAY OF CHOICE: For the first time in my life I have Saturdays off and they are glorious. But if we're going for a specific day then I would have to say Christmas.
E- ESSENTIAL ITEMS: Cellphone, the internet (luckily my phone has the internet, so that makes things handy), mascara, television, high heels
F- FAVORITE COLOR: Purple. Probably because I'm so regal.
G- GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Bears, but only the pink, red, and white ones. If you say you like green, you're lying.
H- HOMETOWN: I'm a nomad, never lived anywhere longer than 3 years (except Provo nowadays). I guess either Bellevue, WA or Coeur d'Alene, ID.
I- INDULGENCE: Every paycheck I splurge on something I don't need, and I am always able to justify it by saying that I deserve it for some reason (something good happened, I had a bad day, the weather is nice, etc). Most recently this habit resulted in a new vanity for my room, so I can't really complain.
J- JANUARY OR JULY: July. I tend to get really patriotic, but I suspect it's really more of a fashion choice than a political one.
K- KIDS: I love other people's kids (well, some....I'm picky). As for me, I'm ok with just me for now.
L- LIFE IS INCOMPLETE WITHOUT: I'm trying to think of the correct answer here. Something that makes me sound deep and existential.
M- MARRIAGE DATE: Some time about 4 score and 7 years away from now.
N- NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: two sisters, one brother, all younger. They're so lucky to have me as an example.
O- ORANGES OR APPLES: Oranges, but only if they're those teeny tiny Clementine Cuties. Otherwise I'll take a grapefruit, thank you.
P- PHOBIAS OR FEARS: Seahorses. Scary movies. Egypt. Bird flu. Being caught in a Die Hard/Cloverfield situation without appropriate footwear.
Q- QUOTES: 90% of the things that come out of my mouth are quotes from a tv show or a movie, and when I do manage to come up with a creative quip of my own, people always ask "What's that from?"
R- REASON TO SMILE: This is silly, I'm supposed to pinpoint only one reason to smile?
S- SEASON: Spring is my absolute favorite. I love the sun and I love the rain.
T- TAGGED FRIENDS: I don't discriminate.
U- UNKNOWN FACT ABOUT ME: Geez I have disclosed so much on my blog already that I don't think I have any secrets left. Ummm...this isn't really unknown, but I am rarely the person who calls others to organize some sort of event. I mostly wait for other people to call me. Some would call that shy, I just call it lazy.
V- VERY FAVORITE STORE: I do manage to lose all sense of time and money when I walk into a Target. Other than that my heart belongs to Nordstrom.
W- WORST HABIT: Gossip. I can't keep my big mouth shut. Also, I have a habit of talking really loudly, which doesn't really bother me, but I've heard it is not that great for other people...
X- XRAY, ULTRASOUND, OR MAMMOGRAM: Well if I'm having a mammogram it means I have cancer and if I'm having an ultrasound it means I'm knocked up, so I guess xray. By default. Unless we're talking xray vision, in which case the answer is absolutely xray.
Y- YOUR FAVORITE FOOD: I'm not a picky eater. I love Indian food and sea food, and I have a Bajio salad at least once a week.
Z- ZODIAC: Sagittarius. Wikipedia says that this makes me impatient, a witty conversationalist, intelligent, adventurous, independent, energetic, and tempermental. Sounds about right to me.

I Miss You Already

I am on a personal quest to see how long I can go without my best friend (note: this is a temporary lifestyle change). Not for health concerns, just to prove to myself that I can do it. It has been two weeks and counting since I have last rendezvoused with this glorious little silver can, and I have never been so unhappy. To those of you still partaking of this sweet nectar of the Gods, I applaud you. I used to hate it when people saw me guzzling my 100+ounces a day and condescendingly informed me that they had given it up. Who the hell cares?

Disclaimer: If and when this foul little number hits the market, I will of course be forced to try it. Fingers crossed.

I smell fear, I smell blood....

I could weep tears of joy for the return of American Gladiators. This show is even bigger and better than season one (well, the second season one I suppose). Prepare yourselves for my in depth analysis of the best thing to hit television since the remote control.

Best Newcomer: JET
Are you kidding me? This mother of two was the female winner last season, and home girl did a few crunches ad added some blue streaks before entering the arena as a Gladiator. Evan is also back, but much less impressive (and consequently featured much less in the show. Jet was in practically every event).







Returning Favorites: TITAN and WOLF

These two, more god than mortal, are everything a Gladiator should be. Disgustingly ripped, over tanned and over oilled, and incredibly full of themselves.....I wish they were my close personal friends. Yes, wolf perfected his howl and made more fantastic threats ("Consider that a birthday present. You're not getting anymore."). Yes, Titan did that fantastically vulgar leg wiggle that both horrifies and intrigues me. And yes, when these two came out for the Pyramid event, Wolf leap-frogged over a standing Titan. Which is when I gave a standing ovation.

Worst New Addition: PHOENIX
Call me crazy, but a chick with angel wings and an early90s Drew Barrymore dye job just doesn't intimidate me. She looks more like an XMen character than a resident of Mount Olympus. Get this girl off my show and straight to ComiCon. Nuff said.







Biggest Letdown: VERTIGO
Super lame. Swaying back and forth with no physical contact. I was at least hoping that they would sway into one another or something. Yawn.





Best New Game (So Far): ROCKETBALL
You push a button and get launched up into the sky towards a giant basket ball hoop (similar to the less intense bungee version seen on the childhood hit GUTS). AND there are two Gladiators launching themselves skyward, blocking the competitors shots. Bonus: everyone looks like a superhero when they shoot upwards. Seriously-- one guy even put his hand on his hip. Also good news: The Eliminator has been improved (dropping off the handbike is no longer an advantage), AND there are still 5 more events to be revealed.

If any of you would like to partake in the viewing of this stunning display of athleticism, feel free to come to my casa on Mondays at 7. Cupcakes will be served.

My Own Private Idaho

I went home to Boise this weekend, where I realized five things:

1. I get along with my parents eerily well.
2. Flying to Boise is really only marginally quicker than driving. Plus side: no broken down automobile incidents.
3. My siblings are some of the most amusing people on the planet.
4. Even though I've never lived in my family's house (they moved about a year ago), it still feels like home.
5. I need to stop tanning, as I am 37 shades darker than Sydney and Logan in the pictures to the left. Yikes.

Get Your Geek On

Google is amazing. My inner art history geek recognized yesterday's theme as a work by one of my favorite contemporary artists, Jeff Koons. I clicked the link to find out all about iGoogle, a personalized form of the google search engine. On your iGoogle page, you can add news feeds, sports scores, games, and about a trillion other things. I happily started clicking and finally decided to select a theme. There I found Koons, Dale Chihuly, Dolce and Gabanna, Oscar de la Renta, Diane von Furstenburg....and Tory Burch?! Amazing. Even better is the option to select a different theme for each tab-- leopard for entertainment news, LiveStrong for the sports page, etc. I'm obsessed.