I'm so uncomfortable right now...

There seems to be this new trend in the local Italian eateries of wandering singers. Like, you'll be sitting there and some dame will saunter over and stare deeply into your soul and belt out "That's Amore" while you're trying to eat your bowtie pasta (sidenote: BEST pasta shape).

Now, before I offend anyone, let me say that my uneasy feelings regarding singers are likely due to the fact that I can't sing and somewhere, deep down, I feel insecure. I get that. But I really get uncomfortable when people perform musically in somewhat-intimate settings. Concerts? Fine. But if I'm on a date and the guy whips out his guitar (what BYU girl hasn't been on that date?)....shoot, if I even see a couple engaged in one-on-one serenading....I have a mini panic attack. I don't know where to look (in his eyes? at the microphone? pensively into the distance ?), I don't know what to say (bravo? I've always loved Cat Stevens too? wow, you can't even tell you're self taught?)....I am actually at the beginning of one of the aforementioned panic attacks just envisioning the scenario in my head.

So anyways. I'm at date night with the Catanos and all of a sudden this songstress appears, weaving in and out of the tables and even sitting down with a small group of diners. We start to freak-- after all, there is an empty chair at our table, and right on the aisle! We tried all sorts of avoidance options....putting purses in the empty chair, talking really loudly when she walked by, setting a pitcher of water right next to the edge of the table so we could knock it over onto her if the situation got desperate....and then I came up with this:
They give you crayons and a table cloth made out of paper for a reason, right? Worked like a charm.